What do you think of my new poem?

Pipstar* · 04-25-2006, 08:37 PM

Ok, so i was bored the other day and i felt like writing something. I decided on a poem. I made it about a horse and rider that are seperated because of the people around them. It's kinda sad but has a happy ending, i guess, lol. So what do you think? Any tips/suggestions? They're all welcome!

Oh, and if you can't read the writing, just ask and i'll change it, lol.

A Parting Of Souls

Silver moon in the sky
Shining to the heart
Of two small beings that cry
As they softly part

Eyes lit up with many tears
Glistening with memories
Of so many joyous years
And riding through the trees

One horse and one small child
Together for so long
Yet because of hearts so mild
They no longer could belong

In a world so full of hate
Their partnership could not last
And so though they tried to wait
Their lifeline was already cast

And the wind’s whispered voice
Told of a reunion far away
And then they could make their choice
From which they would not stray

In future times they could be
Together after so long
And the line that had to be
Would no longer seem so strong

philly78 · 04-25-2006, 08:49 PM

I think it is great Pip!!!!

Good job!

Bella · 04-25-2006, 09:11 PM

Wow, I'm not much of a poetry lover, but that poem really touched me... a lot. Brought tears to my eyes, actually...

-Bella

Pipstar* · 04-25-2006, 09:49 PM

aw, really? thanx guys! I'm glad you liked it! I was worried everyone would think it was really bad!

melissathegreat · 04-25-2006, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pipstar*

aw, really? thanx guys! I'm glad you liked it! I was worried everyone would think it was really bad!

NO WAY!! its great!! kinda sad, but i like it

its 100 times better than what i could do, i cant make anything rhyme and sound nice at the same time

well done

Pipstar* · 04-25-2006, 10:42 PM

Thanx! lol, you should have seen me when i was younger. I thought i was really good at writing poems, but all i wuld do is try to get words that would rhyme! None of my poems ever used to make sense, lol!

Anyone else? Got some tips?

paint_gurl_101 · 04-25-2006, 10:51 PM

that was really good. i think that you should do more poerty. i think thst you would be really great at it.

nikki

Pipstar* · 04-25-2006, 11:03 PM

really? i was not expecting this! lol, thanx!

Pipstar* · 04-26-2006, 03:42 PM

Bump Bump Bumping!

Sancho · 04-26-2006, 04:21 PM

what a lovely poem, I really like it.... I am in the process of trying to get a poem together about my friend that passed away, she was such a fun loving person, and shared the love of horses as all of what we do.... if anyone has a poem, I would love to read it. I really want to put it on her grave.

04-25-2006, 08:37 PM	#1
Pipstar* Senior Member+ Join Date: May 2005 Location: Aussie all the way Posts: 1,327 Images: 107	What do you think of my new poem? Ok, so i was bored the other day and i felt like writing something. I decided on a poem. I made it about a horse and rider that are seperated because of the people around them. It's kinda sad but has a happy ending, i guess, lol. So what do you think? Any tips/suggestions? They're all welcome! Oh, and if you can't read the writing, just ask and i'll change it, lol. *A Parting Of Souls* *Silver moon in the sky* *Shining to the heart* *Of two small beings that cry* *As they softly part* *Eyes lit up with many tears* *Glistening with memories* *Of so many joyous years* *And riding through the trees* *One horse and one small child* *Together for so long* *Yet because of hearts so mild* *They no longer could belong* *In a world so full of hate* *Their partnership could not last* *And so though they tried to wait* *Their lifeline was already cast* *And the wind’s whispered voice* *Told of a reunion far away* *And then they could make their choice* *From which they would not stray* *In future times they could be* *Together after so long* *And the line that had to be* *Would no longer seem so strong* __________________ <#ThErE's SoMe ThInGs In ThIs WoRlD YoU JuSt CaN't ChAnGe~SoMe ThInGs YoU CaN't SeE UnTiL It GeTs ToO LaTe~ThEy'Re ThE ThInGs ThAt YoU MiSs#>

04-25-2006, 08:49 PM	#2
philly78 Senior Member+ Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Oakland OR Posts: 2,485 Images: 359 Blog Entries: 4	I think it is great Pip!!!! Good job! __________________ Note: This post is being attached without a Sig. ~ "Philly, is a flirt": Endo~ Pinky Ribbon

04-25-2006, 09:11 PM	#3
Bella Senior Member+ Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 4,314 Images: 124 Blog Entries: 3	Wow, I'm not much of a poetry lover, but that poem really touched me... a lot. Brought tears to my eyes, actually... -Bella __________________ It's a lot like nuts and bolts - if the rider's nuts, the horse bolts! ~Nicholas Evans Click my dragon egg!

04-25-2006, 09:49 PM	#4
Pipstar* Senior Member+ Join Date: May 2005 Location: Aussie all the way Posts: 1,327 Images: 107	aw, really? thanx guys! I'm glad you liked it! I was worried everyone would think it was really bad! __________________ <#ThErE's SoMe ThInGs In ThIs WoRlD YoU JuSt CaN't ChAnGe~SoMe ThInGs YoU CaN't SeE UnTiL It GeTs ToO LaTe~ThEy'Re ThE ThInGs ThAt YoU MiSs#>

04-25-2006, 10:42 PM	#6
Pipstar* Senior Member+ Join Date: May 2005 Location: Aussie all the way Posts: 1,327 Images: 107	Thanx! lol, you should have seen me when i was younger. I thought i was really good at writing poems, but all i wuld do is try to get words that would rhyme! None of my poems ever used to make sense, lol! Anyone else? Got some tips? __________________ <#ThErE's SoMe ThInGs In ThIs WoRlD YoU JuSt CaN't ChAnGe~SoMe ThInGs YoU CaN't SeE UnTiL It GeTs ToO LaTe~ThEy'Re ThE ThInGs ThAt YoU MiSs#>

04-25-2006, 10:51 PM	#7
paint_gurl_101 Banned Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Hippie Town Or. Posts: 680 Images: 40 Blog Entries: 7	that was really good. i think that you should do more poerty. i think thst you would be really great at it. nikki

04-25-2006, 11:03 PM	#8
Pipstar* Senior Member+ Join Date: May 2005 Location: Aussie all the way Posts: 1,327 Images: 107	really? i was not expecting this! lol, thanx! __________________ <#ThErE's SoMe ThInGs In ThIs WoRlD YoU JuSt CaN't ChAnGe~SoMe ThInGs YoU CaN't SeE UnTiL It GeTs ToO LaTe~ThEy'Re ThE ThInGs ThAt YoU MiSs#>

04-26-2006, 03:42 PM	#9
Pipstar* Senior Member+ Join Date: May 2005 Location: Aussie all the way Posts: 1,327 Images: 107	Bump Bump Bumping! __________________ <#ThErE's SoMe ThInGs In ThIs WoRlD YoU JuSt CaN't ChAnGe~SoMe ThInGs YoU CaN't SeE UnTiL It GeTs ToO LaTe~ThEy'Re ThE ThInGs ThAt YoU MiSs#>

04-26-2006, 04:21 PM	#10
Sancho Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 1,812 Images: 108	what a lovely poem, I really like it.... I am in the process of trying to get a poem together about my friend that passed away, she was such a fun loving person, and shared the love of horses as all of what we do.... if anyone has a poem, I would love to read it. I really want to put it on her grave.

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