[sian]

i was wondering if any one here could give me some advice??????
ok this is really weird posting this
basically im going round in circles....im failing lessons, im getting more detensions then i can count and am constantly spending more times out of lessons then in!

i used to be like a gd gal did ALL of my work.... but my parents kept pushing and pushing me to be better....they would say im a failure etc...and now....i am, because i cant motivate myself to "behave" or "do the right thing"

basically my parents are thinking im a druggy and a chav (lol like yeah!!!!) and im going round and round in cicles getting worst and worst!!!

any help or simular experiences greatly appreciated

[Elia]

Did they stop pushing you? :S

I don't think parents should push a child that much. Like a little to get you on the right track, but you can't depend on your parents support always.

However, I can't make a solid conclusion because you haven't given enough information about certain areas. (Does anybody try to motivate you anymore?..etc)

[zorse]

Ugh, parents should not be pushing their kids that much. I'm so thankful that my parents support me in all that I do.
Talk to your parents and tell them you can't handle all the pressure they're putting on you.

[sian]

i try talking to them but i cant.....they just shout!!!!! they dont motivate me....there idea of motivation is "is that your work???? i expect better in futire" etc

the thing is right....i used to be a self harmer im not proud of it but thats the past....and whenever i try open up to them they start going on about how unlucky they are to have me and im being obstinate....but all im trying to do is say how i feel!

[KZWestern]

Listen... Your parents are deffinetly wrong for pressuring you so much, being the way they are being. It is wrong to tell anyone the things they tell you. I can see why you would feel the way you do... they are not being good parents at all. And I'm very very sorry for that.

But at the same time, (and I know this is WAY harder to do than to talk about) you've got to take some responsibility for yourself. No, you can't help what your parents say, but you can help how you respond to it. They are not making you feel the way you do, even though they have a huge influence, and I understand that. But it is up to you to make the right decisions about your life... choose right now to change that cycle. Make a conciouse choice, make goals, KEEP THEM, build your confidence in yourself. The fact and the matter is, people don't make you feel certain ways, you choose to feel that way. So make choices... smart ones.

A book I read that I think would help you alot is Daily Reflections for Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey. Its written by the son of the guy who wrote the 7 Habits for Highly Effective People. Basicly, he breaks it down into a once a day reading for a year, about a paragraph a day, about building self confidence and taking responsibility for the way you act and respond to how others act. I've read it 3 or 4 times through now! If you can't find the book, you could even PM me and give me your e mail addy and I could even e mail a couple days at a time to you... I mean, each day is only like a short paragraph. (I hope that isn't illegal!)

[RidinOnTheClouds]

Yea .. Im sorry. Just try not to get mad at them. I know its hard. But have them sit down with you. Tell them not to talk untill you are done saying what you have to. Tell them how you are feeling and what they can do.

[RidinOnTheClouds]

well dont tell them .. just ask them nicely. to listen to what you have to say.. most likely they dont understand .. so try to really be detailed about how it is making you feel. and give them some time afterwards to think about it.

[tapestry]

you should see your school counsellor and see if you can talk to her/him about your problems and also possibly get some tutoring somewhere.

as far as your parents go, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. if you tell someone enough times that they're a failure, eventually they'll beleive it and become one.

just keep telling yourself you'll be successful and eventually you will. see? it works both ways

[sian]

i did go to the school counceller for about 3months, but they had cctv in there and recorded what you said which went to the yr of head and then to your parents....who then got the wrong end of the stick!!
the other day though i was really lucky.... we got a knew groom at the stables and i was up at the far fields just thinking and he cam edown with some horses....and he was a great lisrtner!!! i think that helped as he actually took my views into consideration and didnt shout at me!! lol AND the best part is....if my parents find me alone talking to guys they flip....... well the good thing is hes gay so they cant "ban" me from talking to him LOL.

thank you guys.......its just errrrr so fustrating

[Elia]

Shouting at you, ah? For HOMEWORK? That's kinda stupid.. b/cs yeah.. they aren't exactly being parents if they don't help you out w/ your homework.

Like, I know they are still your parents and everything, and you have to obey them b/cs they are your parents -- and if you try to talk to them they'll probably get mad b/cs you're "disrespecting their rules." I personally don't advise going to a school counsellor and telling them your 'home' situation. They make stuff up, and make everything sound 100 times worse than the situation really is. Just from personal experience. Anyway -- the tutor sounds like a good idea, if your parents aren't going to help you. If you wanna get one just say, "I really would like to understand my work; so I feel having a tutor is a perfect solution right now."

hope that made sense.. and improve, improve, improve!! If they won't motivate you, motivate yourself..and you definitely have at least some, if not all of HGS rooting for you.