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Discuss Over 18, over 25, over 30 and still living at home? How about some gratitude??? at the Off Topic forum - Other Topics.

What is it with adults who are these ages and older still living at home, ...
  1. #1
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    Over 18, over 25, over 30 and still living at home? How about some gratitude???

    What is it with adults who are these ages and older still living at home, paying nothing towards the rent/mortgage/utilities/food, and many times the parents are also paying these "kids" car payments and car insurance???

    And the "adults" and here I am using the term VERY loosely, don't have any gratitude, or even respect for their parents who are still toting their load well after the "kid" should be out on their own.

    Two days ago I was talking to my best friend in AL, and she told me to hang on a minute, I hear her go out the door and tell her daughter to bring back all of those towels she just toted out. Her 22 year old starts screaming at her! Lynne told her I am not providing all those people towels to use, they need to get their own. The daughter had 5 or 6 people with her, all in mid to late 20'sl, none of whom have anything better to do on a Wed afternoon than go swimming, because everyone of them too? Living off a parent(s). Lynne does not have a dryer, so everything washed has to be carried out back, down steps, hung out and then brought back in. Neither of the "kids" will help with this. Ever. If she asks them to do something, they fuss about it, or say they will do it, but don't. They don't do dishes, cleaning, nothing.

    Her daughter works at a Waffle House, but has a girlfriend, not the same one I wrote about before that was laid up at my friends, but helps with no bills either, or around house. She has a new girlfriend, who has NO ambition to get a job at all.

    Lynne is disabled, knees and back have arthritis and she is on SS. Barely makes 800 a month. No food stamps either. Only saving grace is the house is paid for. Her car has no air conditioning, (broke) and the windows won't go down, so you can appreciate in the AL heat, only 100 miles from Gulf Coast, it is HOT. She rarely runs the AC in the house much, because she can't afford the bill.

    AND this morning, I was talking to her on the phone, and she needed to get a piece of paper to clean up some dog mess and goes to bathroom to get some. Her 31 year old son starts screaming at her about coming in the bathroom, AND then goes into LR and starts cussing at her because HE doesn't want to smell dog mess first thing in the morning.

    Lynne got a little male dog a couple of years ago. This ungrateful "kid" (over 300 pounds) brought home a female and wanted a litter of puppies. You guessed it, still have 2 of 5, would have had 3 but it died of parvo (after shots too.) One dog got hit this month and died while with him, and off leash, which Lynne had warned him about over and over. He finds a puppy in middle of road, and brings it home 2 days ago. So 4 dogs, and they will go outside in little fence, but it was overnight.

    He goes 3 hours or less 3 nights a week to welding class, from 5 pm to 8 pm. Works IF he can find someone to work for. Lynne totes him too.

    She has another son, almost 40 now, who is a welder. Makes 35 dollars an hour, plus 65 a day per diem on top of that. You guessed it, until the last year? He was living there too. AND not paying even 25 a week on the utilities, or helping to buy groceries. And he cussed and screamed at her too when he didn't get his way. And before Lynne got approved for SS, which took over 2 years, this son, when she told him he was going to have to help out with the bills, since at that point the 31 year old was working and was helping? He moved out to live with his daddy and sponge off him.

    Of 4 kids, only one is self supporting with a family, house, decent cars, job, etc.

    If you can't tote your own load, and expect someone else to? You could at least be grateful and do something to help around the house. But if someone else is having to tote you?

    You aren't an adult.
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    Well I live at home at 25. I dont pay rent. But I do other things, such as groceries ect.

    But in all seriouslness. She could easliy kick them out. or force them. if you let children act the way they want, when they reach adult hood, they will continue to act like spoiled brats. which what sounds like they are, and are allowed to be like that
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    Quote Originally Posted by meljean View Post
    Of 4 kids, only one is self supporting with a family, house, decent cars, job, etc.

    This suggests to me that it's a bit more than a coincidence.

    I agree that it's wrong they are behaving that way but they are still being allowed to do it. If it's that much of a problem then surely they should have been thrown out into the real world years ago?

    Were they this bad as teens or have they only started behaving like this because they think they are "adults"? Even as a teen you shouldn't be allowed to get away with that kind of behaviour.
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    Totally agree.

    I'm 20 and still live at home, but I DO help with bills, rent, and food, as well as buying everything I need for my horse and dogs. Its one thing to live off your parents when they have money, its a totaly different situation when they are struggling and you still mooch off them.

    I would have kicked them all out LONG ago.
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    I personally don't think much of the role of wife and mother, just for reasons you cited, above, Mel. I have seen few families that give the mom any respect at all. I think a lot of it stems from how the kids see the dad treat his wife as his subordinate slop-cleaner-and-servant, and the rest of it is just how much **** that mom lets the kids give her all the way through life. I'd never have talked or treated my parents like that a a child, because I'd have been knocked into next Tuesday, would have had privileges taken away, and would have lost the use of my toys and possessions for some inconvenient amount of time. Also, my parents ALWAYS made a clear distinction between what belongs totally to adults and was not to be used or touched by children. "Mine" vs. "ours" vs. "yours," in other words. If parents fail to gain authority and set proper limits when the kids are young, you see it's darned impossible to do once they are grown.
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    Senior Member+ Tiffany01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tankstar View Post
    Well I live at home at 25. I dont pay rent. But I do other things, such as groceries ect.

    But in all seriouslness. She could easliy kick them out. or force them. if you let children act the way they want, when they reach adult hood, they will continue to act like spoiled brats. which what sounds like they are, and are allowed to be like that
    same here except im 29.

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    I lived at home till' I was 21 (just recently moved out when I got pregnant). I had to pay some rent when I wasn't in college but my mom was flexible because she knew I wasn't a "bad" kid. She toted me in a alot of ways and still does occasionally - though now I make sure I pay back what I say I will.

    Your friend obviously has issue showing a backbone to her children. Not blaming her but it's pretty obvious THEY run the household and is treated like SHE is the guest. She should evict them and remind them that she is the head of the house.

    As for people like that? I think they should all go into the military. It boils down to authority issues. Kikc them out - if they can't find real work they'll end up military anyways, then they can be reminded of "rank".


    ETA: I have ALWAYS been required to cover my own horse bills (since I was 13 years old). And m mom was very serious when she said she WOULD not help at all. Nothing.

    Worked on my ex at least
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    Lynne needs to learn to say no. If the kids have to start wearing dirty underwear and have no food to eat, they'll get the point.
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    My boyfriends sister is 21, spoiled rotten. Parents pay for everything. Bought her multiple cars, mom cosigned on an 18000$ car and 3 months later the "payments were to stressful" for poor savannah so mom took over and bought S a 2500$ car. THAT car got lit on fire in the driveway and now S drives the 18000$ car (doesn't make payments and mom gets rides from her husband). They wouldnt cosign on anloan for drew to get a truck unless he joined the union so he worked his *** off and has a great job. Savannah works part time but doesn't go to school (THAT'S the child that needs to be cosigned for! ) They claim sha can't contribute to the 4500$ mortgage payment because she has credit bills. SHE WOULDN'T HAVE CREDIT BILLS IF SHE WAS MADE TO PAY RENT.
    Drew and I lived there out of necessity but it was no cake walk. We payed rent and did more than anyone in that house. I'm so glad we left. They will lose that house and I wonder where darling S will go? Personally I don't care.

    Did I mention that S got a DUI when she was 20 and her mom left her work 3 times a day to drive S to work, bring her lunch, driver her home for over a year. Oh and when we all went to So Cal for a wedding the parents left S 100$ for CAB MONEY TO GET TO WORK. she has a bike and could take the bus but why should she when she's so coddled?

    I wish I was kidding.
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    In the situation in the OP, it sounds like the mom kind of asked for that by raising her kids in a way that let them think she was a door mat. I'm sure she's a wonderful caring woman, and she has my sympathies for her situation, but if 75% of her children are adult babies, she has to take some of that blame. I only fault her to a certain extent, though, as adults are quite capable of improving themselves beyond how they were raised.

    I went across the country for boarding school (my choice, academic goals) when I was just 14. Then I went to college across the country from my family. Since I was 14 (I'm 23 now), I haven't spent more than a month or so at a time at home during a few summer breaks. I learned how to be independent pretty early on, and vastly prefer it that way. I had no way of earning money at prep school (classes until 6pm and on Saturdays, homework usually kept me up until 1-2am), but I did mostly support myself through college. I was on nearly full ride academic scholarship, and my dad did pay the rest (which was only $2k/semester...a lot of money, but not much for a great college education). I paid for books, rent, food, bills, car, and everything else with money I earned. I also thanked my father profusely for helping me pay for school. He easily could have paid the full tuition and all of my bills, but I am very grateful that he helped me pay for what I couldn't AND taught me how to earn money and budget.

    However...my husband is going to Afghanistan for a year. It honestly just makes more financial sense for me to live at home with my dad and stepmom for the year. We were only living here in Oklahoma for 6 months while hubs was at an Army training school, so I don't have any roots here. I looked for the first 4 months we were here for a job, finally got one, but as soon as I told them I'd be moving, they had to let me go so they could train somebody who wouldn't leave. I'm not thrilled about having to move home. I love my hometown, love my family, but I feel like a grown up and don't want to be living with my parents. And, as sweet and welcoming as they're being, I'm sure my dad and stepmom aren't in love with the fact either. I'll be looking for a job immediately (already have resumes ready to go), and until then, I'll be paying for my groceries/gas/everything else from the joint account with hubs. When I am home I try to be as helpful as I can be. Cleaning, cooking, lawn work, etc. I'm not thrilled about having to go home for the year, but I'll make the best of it, I suppose.
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