got bucked off again today.
not happy and I really dont know how much more I can do.
I need some one to help me with my horse but mum is being less the cooperative saying 'Your horse is just angry at you because you havnt ridden him in over a year.'

[Link]

Yes, because everything is my fault, everything negative that happens is because of me and all the positive things are...

I just cant find the motivation to ride.
I love my horses more then anything in the world, and i want to ride... But i just find endless excuses not to and i hate my self for it.
Zenith dosnt deserve to just sit in a paddoc... He deserves better.
I want to ride, I really really do... Riding makes me feel god, I think... but if it made me feel good, wouldnt i want to do it?
I dont know. I just feel guitly =[

as some of you know, i have been having alot of family troubles...
well i think things are starting to look up for me. not for my family, but for me. my family fights alot... so i have decided that i want out... and there are 2 ways out of my situation. move out or die. i am going for the move out option 1st.
i have finally made contact with my dad... i dont know how many of you remember one of my old posts about contacting my dad. well i got his numbers off his dad last night. his dad...

mods if you want to get rid of this, feel free to do so. i know its negative, and may not be suitable. but i am not hiding it and putting it in private.

ok, as some of you know, i have been seing the school counciller. i have been pretty comfortable in there and i totally trust her. but last week, because of 'duty of care' she had to call my mum, i kind of let some thoughts slip (ones that aint ment to be spoken). i am happy that the counciller knows, because now i am going to get the...

i feel sooooo BAD!!! how can you be excited, sad, happy, angry, nervous, heart-broken, joyfull and tearfull all at the same time because of one subject!!! I am really excited to get cooper, and i can see us going a long way together !! but i used to say that me and Zentih were together for ever!! he is my 1st horse and i ALWAYS used to say that i would NEVER sell him!
how coould i let people convince me to sell him!!! its all my fault, but its done now. no going back......