Life as it comes...
My lesson went TERRIBLE
Posted 02-07-2008 at 08:29 PM by lover
Well, I just got back from my lesson.
I have been just lunging horses as my instructor instructs me on how to properly lunge. Well, this was my third lunge lesson and it went TERRIBLE. I didn't do anything right and she is one of those people who yell at you and make you feel stupid. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my instructor, she is a great teacher and I have come a long way from when I first started and I know we all have our up and down times but I haven't had a good lesson for the past three months!
I am really getting discoreged. There are just so many things that I am slowly getting behind in. My fiddle lessons are getting a lot better but riding is another story. I just can't seem to do anything right these days. I feel like curling up in a little ball and hiding from the world.
Then I am having these relationship problems with my best friend which you can read about in another journal entry. With all of this going on I find my self trying harder and harder to but put on a happy face. Trying to be what every one expects but I can't live up to it all. I know people are not expecting me to have great riding lessons every time but every one expects great friendship, grades, and keeping up. Some times i can do it all but other times I can't and right now I can't. Last night I went to a church group and my so called best friend was there as well as a guy that I really like but we are just friends and I am okay with that. But not only was I trying my best to be the happy and cheerful person every body tells me I am and putting up with my best friend as well I was just so down in the dumps. It was like I couldn't even smile. Thankfully my guy friend who at the moment is my only friend took me aside and we talked about stuff and he was really trying to cheer my up and I was really glad he was because other wise I would have ended up crying me head off and pounding the snot out of so called best friend. This just isn't my time of year. THe only good things going on are my fiddle lessons (I had a REALLY good one today!
) and my time spent with Willy. He is coming a long way and when I look back to just 5 weeks ago I can already see a big change. I really think he is a winner even if my "friends" don't think so.
I don't know i just know that every one has told me I am such a happy, cheerful, and helpful person and then my teachers/mom/dad/riding instructor/fiddle teacher expect so much from me and I just can't live up to what they have seen. Yes, I have to agree my grades could be better and yes I am usually a very happy helpful person (not trying to brag) and I know that deep down I am usually a very happy and content person but then there are those off weeks/months that just drag me down because I am up to my ears in other peoples expectations as well as my own and every little thing is work'n my nerve. There are those times were you can manage to fake a smile and there are those times were you are so out of it (asen stressed) that you can't even smile and that what a smile you do have turns to whimpering or tears of frustration. 
I seriously cannot even smile right now. TTYL
Me/lover
I have been just lunging horses as my instructor instructs me on how to properly lunge. Well, this was my third lunge lesson and it went TERRIBLE. I didn't do anything right and she is one of those people who yell at you and make you feel stupid. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my instructor, she is a great teacher and I have come a long way from when I first started and I know we all have our up and down times but I haven't had a good lesson for the past three months! I am really getting discoreged. There are just so many things that I am slowly getting behind in. My fiddle lessons are getting a lot better but riding is another story. I just can't seem to do anything right these days. I feel like curling up in a little ball and hiding from the world. Then I am having these relationship problems with my best friend which you can read about in another journal entry. With all of this going on I find my self trying harder and harder to but put on a happy face. Trying to be what every one expects but I can't live up to it all. I know people are not expecting me to have great riding lessons every time but every one expects great friendship, grades, and keeping up. Some times i can do it all but other times I can't and right now I can't. Last night I went to a church group and my so called best friend was there as well as a guy that I really like but we are just friends and I am okay with that. But not only was I trying my best to be the happy and cheerful person every body tells me I am and putting up with my best friend as well I was just so down in the dumps. It was like I couldn't even smile. Thankfully my guy friend who at the moment is my only friend took me aside and we talked about stuff and he was really trying to cheer my up and I was really glad he was because other wise I would have ended up crying me head off and pounding the snot out of so called best friend. This just isn't my time of year. THe only good things going on are my fiddle lessons (I had a REALLY good one today!
) and my time spent with Willy. He is coming a long way and when I look back to just 5 weeks ago I can already see a big change. I really think he is a winner even if my "friends" don't think so. I don't know i just know that every one has told me I am such a happy, cheerful, and helpful person and then my teachers/mom/dad/riding instructor/fiddle teacher expect so much from me and I just can't live up to what they have seen. Yes, I have to agree my grades could be better and yes I am usually a very happy helpful person (not trying to brag) and I know that deep down I am usually a very happy and content person but then there are those off weeks/months that just drag me down because I am up to my ears in other peoples expectations as well as my own and every little thing is work'n my nerve.
There are those times were you can manage to fake a smile and there are those times were you are so out of it (asen stressed) that you can't even smile and that what a smile you do have turns to whimpering or tears of frustration. I seriously cannot even smile right now. TTYLMe/lover
Total Comments 1
Comments
 | Re: My lesson went TERRIBLEPhew! you sound like you are having a rough trot there! Life can be so tough but it will get better, no really it will. Just hang in there - you sound like you have a lot on your plate and are trying to fit in a lot and soon your head is just going to pop off from the pressure! Breathe in blue, breathe out red (it works; well, for a short time) and try to give yourself a break. When I was a teeneager I thought noone liked me, especially boys, then at Uni still feeling like I didn't know what to say to people... Once I got my job though I just was myself and people liked me! Just keep being nice and true to yourself and dont get caught up in the small stuff. Good luck. |
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