Well I have sad news to tell. My dog is going to be put down tomorrow.

To start from the beginning, I was away at my aunts this weekend, for a trip to see my cousins play (she's 10). It was a chick trip with some other cousins. My brother called me on Saturday night to tell me some bad news. He had bumped into lucky by accident and it looked like she had popped out her shoulder because she wasn't putting any weight on it.

I've seen animal planet shows where the animals have to have surgery for things like that so because lucky is an old dog I thought that she might have to be put down. I still hate a faint glimmer of hope though. My parents said that they would take her to the vet on monday (the day I was to come back). So I waited for news, though I knew inside what it was going to be.

Sure enough when I called my mom she wouldn't tell me what was wrong, only that I needed to come home soon. I knew things were bad then. I got home tonight and there was lucky laying next to the couch. She didn't even start wagging her tail when I came in. Didn't lift her head or anything. She always does that whenever anyone comes in the room. Mom came down and told me what was wrong.

Lucky had a bone tumor in her leg. When we noticed her limping on it a few weeks back that was partially caused by the weakness in it. Anything could have caused it to shatter like it had. A normal treatment for something like that would be amputation. But if the tumor had matastasized into other areas in her body there would be no hope for her.

Being an old dog like she is causes her to have really bad arthritis in her hips. I can't imagine what it would be like for her to have only three legs with that arthritis. And because if the tumor had matastacized there would be no hope. So it was my decision that it was time to put her down. So now I await tomorrow filled with guilt. I can't help but feel that she could have more years free of pain. I wonder if this is really best for her? Am I doing the right thing by ending her life? I nearly burst into tears at the thought of tomorrow and having to leave her.

The chance that if we amputate that she'll be fine for many more happy years keeps bugging me. It doesn't help that she'll still look at me with a happy gleam in her eye and bat her tail furiously against the ground. How am I supposed to let her go? Tomorrows going to be tough..