I just wish I could have my own horse, I could do what I want; when I want! then my parents would have the excuse too not let me ride just once a week!!! But NO I can't have one, the pain of having parents who let your older sister has 2 horses, cattle and a truck and let her get herself in a big hole, but won't give you the chance too have one horse! I know the exact place I could bored it for free, not even 5 minutes away. We own a horse trailer and truck, I own everthing BUT a saddle. I could easily get a job or two to pay for EVERYTHING myself.

This is the main cause! I can never be around them! I hardly get too see indy!! I never get anything done with him going out there once a week, if I get to go!
I mean I don't want to show anymore, I don't even want to go out there! I hate to say it but it's true! I'm getting bored myself! I'm limited, I ride the same horse doing the same thing, fixing the same problems, I have no ring, very small place to ride right now and I'm flat out am HATING it! This isn't how horses are supposed to be! There not fun, exciting, challenging! I mean I love them still I really do but at this point I just sometimes Rather not go!!! It's like when I go out there it just repeats itself over and over again!!
I mean I can fix this I really could, but when I am at and everyone and everything is makeing in just about impossible too do! I mean Indy's not mine I can't just decide one day that I would like to haul him to the show grounds and keep him there for the weekend to work with him in a new environment, or trailer him to trail ride somewhere, or for a lesson!

I'm so limited too what I can do! But I'm still being pushed by everyone!
It's not what I want too do with horses! I wanna have fun, do differnt things, I don't want to show WP, HUS! I wanna do reining, barrel racing, cow working! But it's atleast 6 hours away(one way) to get too those, and I would need help with training.... no one does it here! I can do barrel racing, but Indy's not cut out for those events, he's not cut out for WP, HUS either though! He doesn't have the speed or the slowness! he's 9 years old and finally have some refinement put into him!

I mean all this work that i am putting into him is not really all the worth it too me besides the fact that I get to 'Ride' a horse!

Ugh I just don't know what too do really! I'm getting kinda ****** off about it! I'm so frustrated, confused and mad!!!! I just don't don't know what too do about it anymore! This isn't the first time this has happend, last time it took me getting into parelli to fix it! For me to find that spark again, and enjoy horses, and that's when I was getting scared of them, hardly riding them because of my fear, I would get frustrated with them SO easily that any little thing that went wrong would frustrate me so badly I would be crying!!

Now what do i have too do to find it again?? It's gonna be hard but I want too do it!