Great lesson! So happy

So I just got back from a riding lesson and it has made a break through in my riding. I went to my trainers and went along feeding her horses and her boarders listening to her get angry with one of her students. I thought "oh great. I am scared (because of lack of confidence and bad experiences) and she is in a bad mood. Not a good combo. So she is in a really bad mood and asks if I want to ride this one horse. I had never ridden her before but I had seen her buck a few times so i was sort of scared. Well, my trainer said "she is my fave horse and she won't buck you off. Don't worry." So I get on and every thing goes well. Then, most of you know of my cantering fear. Well, after some trotting exercises she asks if I want to canter. When she asks stuff it is more of a command then a question. So, I say yes, (even though I am SOOO scared to canter) and some how I made myself NOT think about all my fears. It was so weird, it was like God made all my fears just fade away. So I cantered and it was SO fun NOT being scared spitless! We cantered for a while and this horse has a BIG canter. I was really rocking out of the saddle. I def need to work on my canter position but since I haven't cantered in a long time then I haven't had a chance to work on it. So I cantered twice, trotted a lot to work on my leg/knee position, and I had so much fun. It was the third time in one year I have actually had fun in a lesson. I am no longer scared to canter either. I wasn't then. I thought I was scared but amazingly I was totally relaxed. Things in my horse world are really looking up and I think I am making a lot of progress in my confidence. In fact, I told God, i said "God, this is it. You know I am scared and you know i want to quit with this trainer because of that. But it isn't my trainer, it's me and the horses. I don't want to quit but I am so scared. This is Your chance to show me whether I quit or keep going. If I am to keep going then let me have FUN and not be scared and help me do a lot better then I have in the past lessons. Help me get things right. THis is my test." And He proved Him/me and I now staying with my trainer. She is a wonderful lady and the truth was, was I was just scared of her horses, not her. Now I just want to get back on that horse and canter!

Willy didn't go so well today as yesterday. I got on him, which again, is still a big step in confidence for me. I am scared of a strange horse (since we still don't really know each other) and i was in an outdoor arena not indoor (since we don't have one) and I am still scared to ride him. So I got on and he took off at a trot. THen he slowed to a walk, then start spinning at a fast walk in circles and started going fast and getting sqirrley. I wasn't sure what to do and I was scared. So i got off. Then I realized if he thinks about it then he might realize that every time he is knotty his rider comes off and it will only get worse. Then I won't EVER even get on him. So I got back on. I walked him in a circle (even though I was really scared and tense. He probably picked up on my nerves but i was only tense cause he was. Bad combo.) and he spooked twice here and there and then I halted him and rubbed his withers and just relaxed. Breathed deep. And then I got off. So I was probably on for like 5 mins! Hopefully he will be better next time but I do know that I am FINALLY getting confident and I am so pleased with my self! I feel like I can get on any horse and ride! Which I know I can't. Anyways, I am really happy with my riding. Things are really looking up for me. Not to mention i might my taking my horse to a conformation clinic at my trainers. Just to see what she says and to get Willy more used to having a bunch of horses all over. Sort of like a show atmisphere. TTYL

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