I'm posting this publically because I think this could help other people facing depression or help people who love someone with depression understand a bit better. I had posted a verison of the below post on someones thread.... and decided I would keep the post in case someone else could use it to.

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This sounds a lot like a Depression-induced panic attack. I know, I used to trash my life regularly when I had them.

I owe my first (WRONG) marriage, dropping out of college the first 2 times, all TEN of my housing changes (within 3 years in my very early 20's), and quitting several good jobs and boyfriends to my out of control depression.

I'm embarrased to say all that, but I think people need to realize that we do VERY foolish, hurtful and damaging things when we are trying to get away from Depression.

I call it "patching". We try to "fix" ourselves by changing our situation. And for a tiny while, it seems to work. The distraction of planning a wedding, moving, a new relationship, a new job, etc, etc, keeps us from feeling that deep, crushing weight of depression. Then when the new wears off, that same old feeling comes back in and starts crushing you again. It's hard to breathe, sleep - live.

There were about 10 years of my life where getting out of bed each day was almost too painful. I almost ruined my life. I threw away good situations and fell into bad ones. Thankfully, about 4 years ago I finally learned what this "thing" with the death grip around me was; Depression. I armed myself with information. I learned that just because I felt miserable, didn't necessarily mean that my life was bad. It was like a heavy, black spacesuit that I couldn't get off - inside I had hope and a desire to be happy, content, settled. But there was always this huge weight on my shoulders.

If [depression] is a possibilty, I STRONGLY urge YOU to educate yourself on the different types of depression and other similar mental health disorders. If possible, try to get him into counseling - get him to start reading about how depression can affect us.

I have my depression about 80-90% under control now. But there are still days when I feel it knocking at the back door, and it is freightening. I don't ever, ever, ever want to go back to that dark place. Now, if I start to feel that urge to "patch" something, I stop and think about it. Am I really unhappy with something or have I been too still today? Eaten poorly? In my case, my depression is caused by a chemical imbalance.... so just like a diabetic, I need to be aware of my food intake, my exercise levels, etc. Perscription drugs did not help me, but after about 5 years of trying to figure out a drug program that worked for me, I quit taking them and have learned to manage my symptoms through diet and exercise. There are many types, levels of severity and treatments for depression.

I don't think it is a coincidence that since I have gotten my depression under control I've finally found myself in a happy, healthy relationship. I am getting married again to a wonderful man, and I truly believe we will have a long, happy marriage. I was not capable of that until I realized and addressed my depression and learned how to live, really LIVE- with it.