Yes, a little early for Christmas grumps, yet the sentiment is so perfectly fitting I could not resist. I am impatiently waiting for a call from the police to see if I passed or not. Gah. They were supposed to call last week, he said it'd all be done by Thursday.... well, sure. I am antsy about it. This is not just a job we're talking about, this is a life, a career, this is a monumental decision and they're leaving me hanging without so much as a breath of word. Humbug I say to you, and now you know why.

Lottie was a brat yesterday. And of course, this was the day someone had a camera. adn of course to the outsider it looks like she's doing nothing when in reality she was HAULING on my hands, so I reined her in pretty hard and she fussed about that. She needed to have it out, it wasn't one of those take a step back days, she was just plain being a butt. So, yeah, my poor day of riding was caught on tape. I love when my proudest moments are immortalized.

I can't get anywhere with my writing. I get things down and it's written so poorly I just have to sit and wonder where that spark went- I read some of my old stuff and it just has a life to it, a passion that has all but vanished. Sure, the style and vocab are better, the storylines more interesting, but what's the point?

On the brighter side, I found Zorro episodes on youtube! The love of my fictional life, finally we have been reunited. It's as good as I remember- maybe even better. Which reminds me, the first stories I ever wrote just for fun were me putting myself and my friends into Zorro episodes. Man, I wrote a ton of those, several notebooks full. I used to just sit for hours at a time and scrawl. The good old days. Now I can't get a job, I can't write, I can't ride, I dont know what I'm doing...

Ah, ignore me, you'd think with all the trouble going on recently I would be grateful to be having a peaceful day. I guess I'm just anxious. It'll get better... I should ride Tucker tomorrow, he makes me feel better every time. I do love those horses- even Lottie, even when she's a pain. I honestly can't imagine my life without them. It was funny, I was watching Zorro and remembering how much I wanted a horse like Tornado, a horse that would go anywhere and do anything, and then I'm sitting here and I realize I have it. Incredible how you can forget your dreams once they come true, or lose track of them because it takes so long.

Could I be more random today? My thoughts are wandering minstrels, singing lyrics they make up along the roadside. I suppose I should get to bed, I do have to go to the barn in the morning.