How to gain back confidence and desire??

Lucky Duck · 09-07-2004, 12:40 PM

I need some help here... In the past 4 to 6 months I have really lost my confidence in my horse care abilities and in my riding. I even have a diminished desire to do much with the horses. Things have been weighing heavy on me... the situation with my adopted senior mare and the adoption agency, my QH mare getting attacked by something, my Saddlebred kicking holes in the new barn, my husband's resentment toward the horses because they take $ away from other stuff and his entire family's flippant attitude about the horses. The situations have just made me frustrated and unhappy with the horses and myself! The only thing that has kept me going is my QH mare... she just lets me love on her and lean on her anytime... But I had to put her up for sale because of the financial burden from the adopted mare.

What can I do to get my confidence and desire back for horses?? How do I get back the happiness that came from the horses and get rid of these feelings?? I know they used to make me so happy...

I just don't know what to do anymore... Anyone have any suggestions??

monica-n-shiloh · 09-07-2004, 12:50 PM

I know what you mean Hun....I myself have been struggling with the same feeling the past few months. Even worse since Moni died. I dont know what to do about it either. Paul keeps pushing me to sell Ghost because she kicks and my mom is constantly nagging me about everything with the horses in general. Its tiring...I hear ya.

Any advice for us guys??

QHGirl · 09-07-2004, 12:54 PM

OH my gosh, me too! It is so hard to even enjoy them... I am second guessing many things

I NEVER think those things!

ANY HELP?

cassidy · 09-07-2004, 12:54 PM

aww i no how hard it can be especilly the financial strain

i understood that you were going to ive the adoptive mare back does this not mean you can keep your qh mare

as for all the other things they have done i am sure it was just bad luck that has happened all at once!

as for the family if they dont have horses then there is no way they could understand

keep your chin up i am sure everything will work out!

Shotgun93 · 09-07-2004, 01:06 PM

Horses are hard. They take time, money, patience and a lot of understanding and love. Unfortunatly, so do husbands and kids and life in general. I know how you guys feel, when you are out riding your horse, all of the problems just seem to fade away (at least for me), but then you come back to the barn and start to think about the horse feed you need to buy and the vet bill that you should pay, it all just seems to come back. When I start to feel like maybe it is just to much, I try to remember that feeling I get when I am with my horse. As for my husband, I try to remind him that horses are a part of who I am and if they weren't there, a part of my would be different. I am lucky though, I have a fairly understanding husband, and he knows that if I don't get my horse time, I get a little snappy, sometimes, he actually tells me to go riding! I don't know if this is any help at all, but I just wanted to tell you that you are really not alone. Sorry this was so long

DoWeDance · 09-07-2004, 02:32 PM

I know it gets hard sometimes, especially the finacial aspect. Lucky Duck - I've read a little about how you don't want to send the adopted mare back, but I don't really know much else about your situation. I am being truthful when I say I've never actually experienced a burnout over my horse (burnout on showing yes, occasionally after a hard season, but I still always look forward to my horse time). I'm not bragging at all - I've seen other riders go through what you are going through. It doesn't mean at all that you don't love horses. I think what happened to you is that you may have taken on to many horses and the responsibility and the troubles that came with them are weighing you down. I think the reason I never tire of horses is that I only own one and I am able to pour all of my attention into her. I actually don't want more than one because I am afraid it would be too much of an emotional strain, not to mention an economical one

This may not be a feasible solution, but try to narrow it down to just the one you want to keep. I know you don't want to give the adopted one back, but you know which one you'd rather keep, it sounds like. Good luck, and don't give up just yet. Your passion for horses will come back, you just can't force it.

Lucky Duck · 09-07-2004, 03:08 PM

Thanks for the words of wisdom, everyone... Monica-n-shiloh and QHgirl, I am sorry to hear you feel the same!

Maybe I just need to spend more time with my Zoe-girl (the QH mare) and maybe that will help me forget about all my troubles... I still have her up for sale right now, but we also put Topper (the saddlebred) up for sale and I'll keep whoever doesn't sell.

As for my adopted mare, I am working on sending her back without repercussion... but that may cost me even more $ in the end.

Now if I could only get my husband and his family to understand!

Nikki_star59 · 09-07-2004, 03:18 PM

Yeah I have a similiar problem with my family not understanding.
The way I tried to diffuse the situation was sit down and say to them, "look this is what horses mean to me" and then compare it to something they have a passion for. I said to them, "how would you feel if I always got on your back about so and so.." Well they got a bit funny about what I said but soon got the idea to keep their mouths shut. U just have to show them how important they are to you and that they have ne right to ruin that passion for you.
With your husband, try and get him to come and help you out with your horses once in a while, you never know, he might just enjoy it and you get to spend some time with him at the same time. It might just be that he's jealous of your horses and when u include him, his whinging might dissapate!!!! lol!!
I did that with my boyfriend and now I cant keep him away from my horses!!! lol!!!

09-07-2004, 12:40 PM	#1
Lucky Duck Senior Member+ Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 1,357 Images: 58	How to gain back confidence and desire?? I need some help here... In the past 4 to 6 months I have really lost my confidence in my horse care abilities and in my riding. I even have a diminished desire to do much with the horses. Things have been weighing heavy on me... the situation with my adopted senior mare and the adoption agency, my QH mare getting attacked by something, my Saddlebred kicking holes in the new barn, my husband's resentment toward the horses because they take $ away from other stuff and his entire family's flippant attitude about the horses. The situations have just made me frustrated and unhappy with the horses and myself! The only thing that has kept me going is my QH mare... she just lets me love on her and lean on her anytime... But I had to put her up for sale because of the financial burden from the adopted mare. What can I do to get my confidence and desire back for horses?? How do I get back the happiness that came from the horses and get rid of these feelings?? I know they used to make me so happy... I just don't know what to do anymore... Anyone have any suggestions??

09-07-2004, 12:54 PM	#3
QHGirl Senior Member+ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 7,079 Images: 276	OH my gosh, me too! It is so hard to even enjoy them... I am second guessing many things I NEVER think those things! ANY HELP? __________________ I must not forget to thank the difficult horses, who made my life miserable, but who were better teachers than the well-behaved school horses who raised no problems. -Alois Podhaisky I've been Snowballed!!!!

09-07-2004, 12:54 PM	#4
cassidy Senior Member+ Join Date: May 2004 Location: england - its sunny sometimes honest! Posts: 21,575 Images: 820	aww i no how hard it can be especilly the financial strain i understood that you were going to ive the adoptive mare back does this not mean you can keep your qh mare as for all the other things they have done i am sure it was just bad luck that has happened all at once! as for the family if they dont have horses then there is no way they could understand keep your chin up i am sure everything will work out! __________________ ive been snowballed... May your life be like toilet paper - Long and useful A horse doesn't care how much you know until he knows how much you care. - Pat Parelli http://www.freewebs.com/linz88055/myprofile.htm

09-07-2004, 01:06 PM	#5
Shotgun93 Senior Moderator Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Southwest SD Posts: 13,836 Images: 132	Horses are hard. They take time, money, patience and a lot of understanding and love. Unfortunatly, so do husbands and kids and life in general. I know how you guys feel, when you are out riding your horse, all of the problems just seem to fade away (at least for me), but then you come back to the barn and start to think about the horse feed you need to buy and the vet bill that you should pay, it all just seems to come back. When I start to feel like maybe it is just to much, I try to remember that feeling I get when I am with my horse. As for my husband, I try to remind him that horses are a part of who I am and if they weren't there, a part of my would be different. I am lucky though, I have a fairly understanding husband, and he knows that if I don't get my horse time, I get a little snappy, sometimes, he actually tells me to go riding! I don't know if this is any help at all, but I just wanted to tell you that you are really not alone. Sorry this was so long __________________ In the quiet light of the stable, you hear a muffled snort, the stamp of a hoof, a friendly nicker. Gentle eyes inquire, "How was your day old friend?" and suddenly, all your troubles fade away. -Author Unknown

09-07-2004, 03:08 PM	#7
Lucky Duck Senior Member+ Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 1,357 Images: 58	Thanks for the words of wisdom, everyone... Monica-n-shiloh and QHgirl, I am sorry to hear you feel the same! Maybe I just need to spend more time with my Zoe-girl (the QH mare) and maybe that will help me forget about all my troubles... I still have her up for sale right now, but we also put Topper (the saddlebred) up for sale and I'll keep whoever doesn't sell. As for my adopted mare, I am working on sending her back without repercussion... but that may cost me even more $ in the end. Now if I could only get my husband and his family to understand! Last edited by Lucky Duck; 09-07-2004 at 03:29 PM.

09-07-2004, 02:32 PM	#6
DoWeDance Senior Member+ Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Georgia Posts: 1,728 Images: 66	I know it gets hard sometimes, especially the finacial aspect. Lucky Duck - I've read a little about how you don't want to send the adopted mare back, but I don't really know much else about your situation. I am being truthful when I say I've never actually experienced a burnout over my horse (burnout on showing yes, occasionally after a hard season, but I still always look forward to my horse time). I'm not bragging at all - I've seen other riders go through what you are going through. It doesn't mean at all that you don't love horses. I think what happened to you is that you may have taken on to many horses and the responsibility and the troubles that came with them are weighing you down. I think the reason I never tire of horses is that I only own one and I am able to pour all of my attention into her. I actually don't want more than one because I am afraid it would be too much of an emotional strain, not to mention an economical one This may not be a feasible solution, but try to narrow it down to just the one you want to keep. I know you don't want to give the adopted one back, but you know which one you'd rather keep, it sounds like. Good luck, and don't give up just yet. Your passion for horses will come back, you just can't force it.

09-07-2004, 03:18 PM	#8
Nikki_star59 Senior Member+ Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Melbourne Australia Posts: 194 Images: 1	Yeah I have a similiar problem with my family not understanding. The way I tried to diffuse the situation was sit down and say to them, "look this is what horses mean to me" and then compare it to something they have a passion for. I said to them, "how would you feel if I always got on your back about so and so.." Well they got a bit funny about what I said but soon got the idea to keep their mouths shut. U just have to show them how important they are to you and that they have ne right to ruin that passion for you. With your husband, try and get him to come and help you out with your horses once in a while, you never know, he might just enjoy it and you get to spend some time with him at the same time. It might just be that he's jealous of your horses and when u include him, his whinging might dissapate!!!! lol!! I did that with my boyfriend and now I cant keep him away from my horses!!! lol!!!