Gah... Confused...

Horsegirl878 · 07-25-2006, 07:35 PM

OK, I'm feeling a little disoriented at the moment... It hasn't really sunk in yet... I'll explain...

Last night, one of my (guy) friends told me he's gay. I don't have a problem with it, it's just still sinking in... I'm the first one he's told.... He's still the same person and everything, nothing will change, it's just... I still feel weird! I'm completely supportive of him, etc., and he knows he can talk to me about it whenever... It's just... It's taking a while to really sink in, you know? I've known him 3 years and it never occured to me once that he might be gay... He's moving away this summer... I'll miss him... He's a great friend... And he still will be... Nothing changes a bit... I'm just... disoriented... Is it normal to feel this way?

ches · 07-25-2006, 08:42 PM

I guess if you hadn't suspected then it would come as a bit of a surprise, especially if you ever had feelings for him.

Please realize that it's much harder for him to come out than it is for you to receive the news. If your response to him was as disjointed as your post here, then you may have made him uncomfortable. You need to make it clear to him that you still love him and that you respect him for coming out.

It's important for him to be able to be open and honest with his sexuality so that he can live a happy and fulfilling life. "Living a lie" is a huge burden that he shouldn't have to bear. Your reaction to his news will probably have a big impact on how comfortable he is with telling other people.

touchofdandy · 07-25-2006, 10:50 PM

Yes thats normal to feel that way. Two of my friends are gay and when I found out it took a while to sink in.

TrickPony · 07-25-2006, 10:55 PM

Yes... it's normal to feel disoriented, but I'm sure you're not nearly as confused as he is.

If you are the first person he came out to, I'm sure your opinion means alot to him. I would talk about it a little more - and just reassure him (even though I bet you already did) that this changes nothing between you two.

JumpsxGlory · 07-25-2006, 11:01 PM

I know exactly how you feel. One of my very close guy friends came out and I was shocked, but I the sings were there. It normal to feel that way, I did. It's just a blow is all.

endurgirl · 07-26-2006, 05:54 AM

Yeah, ches has some good points. The absolute worst thing you could do to him now is turn on him. I know you said you wouldn't, so don't. Since you are the first person he told, he must have tremendous trust in you and knew you'd be by his side. Some of my girl friends are gay, but I don't look at them as being that way, they are my friends the same if they date males or females. Plus, think of the great fashion tips you'll get from him.

J/K

In all seriousness, gay people are some of the best hearted people and least judgemental people you'll be around.

Rain · 07-26-2006, 06:14 AM

I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same feelings when my cousin told me he was gay. I was also the first person he told. It's a heavy weight to handle right off the bat.. kinda spins you out of control. You'll get used to the idea and everything will return back to "semi" normal. Just look at the bright side, now you have another person to chat about cute boys... that's what my cousin and I do now.

Horsegirl878 · 07-26-2006, 07:12 AM

Yeah, trust me, I wasn't disjointed in my reply to him at all... I hid that from him, and I reassured him that I don't feel any differently about him... He knows I love him (platonically of course), and that I'll always be there for him. I did have feelings for him a little while ago, and he said he also had feelings for me at about the same time (he said he's closer to bi)... But that's over now. He's a great friend who I really enjoy talking to... And in a way, it's easier for me to talk to him now than it was before... If that makes any sense...

And I think my reaction made him feel a lot better... He actually told someone else after... And he said that at one point he was on the verge of tears, after I talked to him... I promised him I'd always be there for him (and I will). He's still the same person, no matter what. He's still the same guy I know and love. It's starting to sink in more now... I'm just a tad off-balance still... But I'll get over it. Thanks everyone for your support.

Varisha · 07-26-2006, 07:54 AM

Your a good and true friend. It is very difficult to come out of the closet and it shows how important you are to him that he was able to tell you. Right now he needs an ally, someone that he can depend on and by your response you are just that. For him this is just the begining of learning that it's ok to be who he is. There is a group called PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) that you may want to check into. Here is a link to thier site canadian site: http://www.pflagcanada.ca/

This is a ling to PFLAG in the United States: http://www.pflag.org/
Here is a link for more info on PFLAG: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PFLAG

Feel free to PM me.

HorseObsession · 07-26-2006, 01:30 PM

Whew. I bet that was a shock. I agree %100 with every body else. You did well.

07-25-2006, 07:35 PM	#1
Horsegirl878 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kingston, Ontario (Canada) Posts: 332 Images: 121	Gah... Confused... OK, I'm feeling a little disoriented at the moment... It hasn't really sunk in yet... I'll explain... Last night, one of my (guy) friends told me he's gay. I don't have a problem with it, it's just still sinking in... I'm the first one he's told.... He's still the same person and everything, nothing will change, it's just... I still feel weird! I'm completely supportive of him, etc., and he knows he can talk to me about it whenever... It's just... It's taking a while to really sink in, you know? I've known him 3 years and it never occured to me once that he might be gay... He's moving away this summer... I'll miss him... He's a great friend... And he still will be... Nothing changes a bit... I'm just... disoriented... Is it normal to feel this way? __________________ May your life be as long and useful as a roll of toilet paper.

07-25-2006, 10:50 PM	#3
touchofdandy Senior Member+ Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Indiana Posts: 5,705 Images: 836 Blog Entries: 7	Yes thats normal to feel that way. Two of my friends are gay and when I found out it took a while to sink in. __________________ Amy My Horses: Dandy, Trouble, Whiskey & Bandit Two eyes are better then two heels.-Clinton Anderson I've been snowballed 1 time.

07-25-2006, 10:55 PM	#4
TrickPony Senior Member+ Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Fort Collins, Colorado Posts: 2,600 Images: 241 Blog Entries: 23	Yes... it's normal to feel disoriented, but I'm sure you're not nearly as confused as he is. If you are the first person he came out to, I'm sure your opinion means alot to him. I would talk about it a little more - and just reassure him (even though I bet you already did) that this changes nothing between you two. __________________ "I do what I please and I do it with ease." I've been booed!

07-25-2006, 11:01 PM	#5
JumpsxGlory Senior Member+ Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 8,702 Images: 1014 Blog Entries: 2	I know exactly how you feel. One of my very close guy friends came out and I was shocked, but I the sings were there. It normal to feel that way, I did. It's just a blow is all. __________________ 2008 USA Olympic Equestrian Team "I had an uncle who was kicked in the head by a horse"... "What happened to him?".... "He got into politics!" Carpe Diem (Ollie): TB Dressage gelding Member of Dressage Club!

07-26-2006, 05:54 AM	#6
endurgirl Senior Member+ Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Georgia Posts: 2,328 Images: 227 Blog Entries: 5	Yeah, ches has some good points. The absolute worst thing you could do to him now is turn on him. I know you said you wouldn't, so don't. Since you are the first person he told, he must have tremendous trust in you and knew you'd be by his side. Some of my girl friends are gay, but I don't look at them as being that way, they are my friends the same if they date males or females. Plus, think of the great fashion tips you'll get from him. J/K In all seriousness, gay people are some of the best hearted people and least judgemental people you'll be around. __________________ Don't squat with your spurs on!! I got snowballed....and they throw like a girl!!!!

07-25-2006, 08:42 PM	#2
ches Senior Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,472 Images: 38	I guess if you hadn't suspected then it would come as a bit of a surprise, especially if you ever had feelings for him. Please realize that it's much harder for him to come out than it is for you to receive the news. If your response to him was as disjointed as your post here, then you may have made him uncomfortable. You need to make it clear to him that you still love him and that you respect him for coming out. It's important for him to be able to be open and honest with his sexuality so that he can live a happy and fulfilling life. "Living a lie" is a huge burden that he shouldn't have to bear. Your reaction to his news will probably have a big impact on how comfortable he is with telling other people.

07-26-2006, 06:14 AM	#7
Rain Senior Member+ Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,372 Images: 49 Blog Entries: 7	I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same feelings when my cousin told me he was gay. I was also the first person he told. It's a heavy weight to handle right off the bat.. kinda spins you out of control. You'll get used to the idea and everything will return back to "semi" normal. Just look at the bright side, now you have another person to chat about cute boys... that's what my cousin and I do now.

07-26-2006, 07:12 AM	#8
Horsegirl878 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kingston, Ontario (Canada) Posts: 332 Images: 121	Yeah, trust me, I wasn't disjointed in my reply to him at all... I hid that from him, and I reassured him that I don't feel any differently about him... He knows I love him (platonically of course), and that I'll always be there for him. I did have feelings for him a little while ago, and he said he also had feelings for me at about the same time (he said he's closer to bi)... But that's over now. He's a great friend who I really enjoy talking to... And in a way, it's easier for me to talk to him now than it was before... If that makes any sense... And I think my reaction made him feel a lot better... He actually told someone else after... And he said that at one point he was on the verge of tears, after I talked to him... I promised him I'd always be there for him (and I will). He's still the same person, no matter what. He's still the same guy I know and love. It's starting to sink in more now... I'm just a tad off-balance still... But I'll get over it. Thanks everyone for your support. __________________ May your life be as long and useful as a roll of toilet paper.

07-26-2006, 07:54 AM	#9
Varisha Senior Member+ Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Mid - USA Posts: 2,201 Images: 117 Blog Entries: 1	Your a good and true friend. It is very difficult to come out of the closet and it shows how important you are to him that he was able to tell you. Right now he needs an ally, someone that he can depend on and by your response you are just that. For him this is just the begining of learning that it's ok to be who he is. There is a group called PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) that you may want to check into. Here is a link to thier site canadian site: http://www.pflagcanada.ca/ This is a ling to PFLAG in the United States: http://www.pflag.org/ Here is a link for more info on PFLAG: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PFLAG Feel free to PM me. __________________ Please don't condemn me I chose not this path It was a part of me before my time began This path is not easy, why would I chose to walk it Please don't condemn me I chose not these emotions They are intertwined with my soul I can not but feel love for all of mankind

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