[horse_crazy]

I have a friend that LOVED horses. So this summer her parents(who know NOTHING about horses) bought her a horse. She bought a pretty nice broke mare. Well my friend doesnt exactly know how to handle a horse. She acts like she knows how to ride and this and that....but she knows nothing and she wont listen to me when i tell her to do something. Ive been telling her to get her horses hooves trimmed for a while and FINALLY she got them trimmed(although they were about a month over due!!!) She hasnt de-wormed her.(She has had her for about 3-4 months)I made her up a rotation de-worming schedule and she hasnt wormed her yet! She finally got some hay! And she has no control over the horse! just this weekend she was riding and she "lost her balance when loping" and started to slid off. Well she fell off and the horse went flyin away. Luckly her older brother came by on his dirt bike and chased the mare back to her pen!!! How can i proove to her that she really needs to take more care of the horse and be more responsible when riding?!(yes she has just started taking lessons. her first lesson was this past saturday!) I feel so bad for her horse! and its not like she neglects the horse its just hat she doesnt know how to properly take care of it. and wont really listen to me! Does anyone have some tips on how i can get her mind in the right gear?!

[QHGirl]

This friend, you could buy them a horse for dummies book, or a horse owner 101..

Depends also how old this person is, if they are still young enough to join a 4-h club or horse club, I would start there! Good luck!

[irishluck807]

This is a sticky situation! I hate to say it but to me it sounds like she doesn't really care that much about becoming a good horse person. I can understand her not liking being a beginner especially when she has a friend who has a lot more experience then her in that area. However if she really had an interest in the horse and being able to take care of it correctly, she wouldn't be acting as carelessly as she is now. Maybe it's the fact that I worked my butt off for a horse and now that I have one I'm really trying hard to learn as much as I can and do as much as i can for the benefit of both me and my horse which is making me a little over emotional on this issue. If she is going to be that unconcerned about her mare's welfare then my opinion is she probably shouldn't have one. However- since that really isn't up to me what I would suggest doing is not directly giving her advice since it hasn't been working. She might just be embarrassed to take advice from a friend. I would however buy her horse magazines with good articles in them, or a really informative book so that she might leaf through it and get her advice that way. You could also talk to her instructor and ask her to have a talk with your friend about caring for her horse. And if worst comes to worst and the horse is still not getting adequate care- talk to her parents if you can do it discreetly. Well, good luck and hope your friend comes to her senses soon!

[whirlybird]

I agree that you should buy her (and her parents) a book. There is actually a book out called "The Everything Horse Book" written by Cheryl Kimball. You can get it at just about any book store and retails for around $12.00. It covers all the basics of buying and caring for your horse. It describes everything in a very easy to read way so even non-horsey people can understand it. I would recommend it for her and her parents to read. Or if you already have a book like that maybe she can borrow it. Just tell her that you know she is a first time horse owner and you thought she might like to read up on it. Maybe as a birthday or early Chirstmas gift. It sounds like her heart is in the right place but doesn't want you to think she doesn't know anything about horses.

[Open_the_Gait]

yep, get her the book and talk to her parents.
horse ppl are like this (or maybe just all people) they dont want to admit they know nothin or are wrong. they wont listen to any of your advice unless they have asked for it. and if u try to help without being asked, well, u are just a 'know-it-all'. or at least thats what they want to think so they have a reason not to listen.
maybe u should let the horses feet go bad- dont get me wrong- dont let it founder or go lame! and maybe u should let her do the other stuff wrong until she finds out for herself that its getting bad, then she will ask u for help and be willing to listen.
and maybe u should try to remind her of stuff without saying it like shes dumb for not knowing. like say "hey im going to worm my horses next week, will u help me?" or "oh man i member when i let my horse go too long without the farrier and i feel so bad he was in awful shape" and say stuff in front of her parents too. so they all think its their own idea to do this stuff. then if they ask you about it you can recommend what to do.
hmmm maybe i should become a psychiatrist
i dont know, just do whatever u can. she will catch on sooner or later. remember shes only a kid.

[Dawn]

Yes, how old is she? I agree with just making off hand comments instead of confronting her. How is her trainer? Does she take care of her horses? If she knows what she's doing, talk to her. Your friend would probably be more ready to listen to her. If it still doesn't get better, call the local humane society.

[Sandra-A1]

The problem, as I see it, is that there are 2 people with different ideas on how to take care of horses.One considers themself the expert in this relationship and the other keeps hearing how she doesn't know how to do things the right way because this is her first horse. While this first time horse owner would probably agree she is most likely tierd of hearing this and would like to simply relax and get to know (and enjoy) her new horse. We all know how exciting it is to get that first horse!
I did not hear that this horse was being abused or neglected...only that this new horse owner was not doing things according to how (and when) another person thinks they should be done.
Okay, so this is her first horse. How about giving her some space to enjoy and develop a relationship with her horse. Not everyone was born into horses.
So she didn't get her horse's feet trimmed when you thought they should have been done. Not every horse needs trimming at the same time. She did get them done and the horse seems to have survived.
She didn't follow your worming schedule. I know a lot of people who have their horses wormed only twice a year. You know those horses look great and, according to their Vets, are doing just fine. From some of the articles I have been reading it seems that we just might be over doing this worming. Some researchers are starting to believe that we are worming too soon and too often. The worms are developing resistance to the worming chemicals.
So she didn't buy hay soon enough to suit you. There might have been a good reason for that. She might have had problem locating some and or arranging delivery.
So she has no control over the horse...well honestly I don't know too many first time horse owners who do and ALL riders fall off sooner or later and more than once too! wink
I am not saying that what you have said is not true or right. It is just that this is this girl/woman's first horse. How about giving her some space to enjoy and get to know it. She knows she has taken on a BIG responsibility. She knows there are a lot of things she has to do to take care of it. She is NOT going to do things like you think they should be done. It IS her horse after all. Horses are like children...you can't tell people how to raise their children and they do not always do their parenting job like you would do yours!
I say back off and give her some time. She is taking lessons and since you didn't have anything negative to say about the instructor I am assuming that you approve of them.
Be a friend, but how about accentuating this new owners positives for a while. I think you will keep her as a friend a lot longer if you do. wink

[Blistering Winds]

I agree with everyone, depending on the situation.

If your friend is very young, then confronting her parents (without her around)in a laid back mannor would be a good idea. Mention to them that you feel that the horse and rider could use a little more TLC and would benefit both the horse AND the rider for a few "lessons" with a trainer. Make sure you give a name of a trainer that will teach from the ground up. Offer some books like Horses 101 and horses for dummies for great references. If you have the book, (or just buy it so you can say you have) lend it to them if they want. If they see that you, an avid horse owner, have the book, they won't be offended by it. ALL good horse owners have their own personal library. Whether it consists of one or tons of books.

As far as farrier and worming. I'm bad about that so I can't comment too much on someone else. But if the horse is suffering, and I mean serious lame cracks, emaciated condition, then say something.

Watch out for over-indulging advice. A brand new horse owner will shy from advice cause many want to think they are the greatest. So you have to approach carefully. Offer to let them browse your library. Point out great, overall books. Don't just nit-pick little things like riding style and worming schedules.

As far as riding ability. I learned exactly how she did. Fell off loping. I've never had a "riding Lesson" until I started college, and I feel that I can ride decently before I started classes, all from learning the hard way. When I felt ready, I asked for advice on my seat. But not until I was ready. If she has a good horse, I wouldn't worry too much. She'll figure it out eventually that she might need some help.

Christmas is coming up. A subscription to a magazine is a great idea!!! That's where I learned a lot! Books !!!!! Get her a good overall care and ride horse book.
One I love to give as a gift is the veterinary handbook for horse owners. Great reference book. Tells you what the VET will do and what you can do. kinda hints on "vet" needed vs you can handle type situations.

A good book with both english and western riding styles is a good idea for christmas.

But I would definitly lay off of her for a bit. You'll burn her out on the horse if you keep it up. Ask her if she wants to go ride with you sometimes. She'll watch you secretly and see how things are done. Just keep your advice to only what she asks you. She'll eventually open up if she really wants to be involved in horses. The lessons are definitly a great thing, though they should have come FIRST before the horse was bought, but too late now. But can't say much on that.

Good Luck!!

[XmasAngel98]

I have had the same problem. However, my friend has so far made it okay and so have her horses (she now has several). It's hard to watch, but as long as the horses are being properly cared for there is not much you can do. Unfortunately there is not a law saying that "horse ignorant" people can't own horses.

On that note, I REALLY think people should have to be licensed to haul a horse trailer! Have you seen how some of these people drive???? It's nuts!!! Those poor horses!!!!

[horse_crazy]

She is an early teen. I think i will buy her a book or two. I personally do not know her trainer/instructor. Im not sure....i guess i should really get into her life about horses. but ill def. buy her a book or two. hopefully she will be okay. im not usre if i should 'lay off her" but i just cant stand seeing people not "correctly" taking care of their horses. but hey....maybe its just me since we take such excellent care of all of ours! thanks for all the replys...i liked some of your advise!