[Jess!]

I don't know. Lately I've been obsessing over my weight. I have always obsessed over my weight, because I was teased mercilessly througout elementry school and middle school for being a "cow". They'd moo at me, and everything.

I know that a lot of people have eating disorders, or body dysmorphic disorder. Any else suffer from these?

I've been running every night, and tonight I upped it to 1.25 miles. I haven't, however, been watching what I'm eating, because the pounds have been falling off. I'm 6', 148 right now. [I was 165 at my wedding in June] But at work I'm eating fries all the time, and my face is really breaking out. So I made a deal with a fellow co-worker - no fast food and no soda. Period. He suffers from BDD and an eating disorder, as well.

I wouldn't say that I have a full fledged eating disorder, just...an obession. I tend to be quite OCD with a LOT of things, so this doesn't suprise me.

Any words of advice? People who have the same problem?

My family is overweight, so I am terrified, absolutely TERRIFIED of becoming fat again. I'm afraid of having a kid, because what if I cannot lose the weight? I know that sounds shallow, but my weight is something I can control, and I like to control it.

I am NOT fishing for compliments, so don't think of this as a pity post, because that is not what this is for. I'm just reaching out to others to see if I'm not alone, which I know I am not. I happen to know that in the equine world, a LOT of people battling with their weight and whatnot, especially with showing.

Mods, if you feel as if this is inappropriate for Off Topic, please feel free to move it to the Adult section.

[Jennygirl011]

Try not to think about your weight..yes try and eat healthy..but to me..it seems if I stress out and keep thinking about my weight..I gain more..just be positive..Thats good that you are running..and eating fries arent bad..as long if you dont eat too much and eat it all the time..Sounds like you are doing good! Keep it up! Im trying to loose some weight too.. Im 16 Im 5'6 and I weigh like 138. I need to loose a few..lol... well good luck! Hope it goes well for you!

Ive just been trying to eat more fruit and veggies..

[3WishesDun]

Eating disorders have everything to do with control....not insinuating that you have an eating disorder--. You have a very very strong fear of being overweight...which is a completely reverseable condition.....Are you more afraid of being fat or being permanently injured (i.e. paralyzed, blinded, deaf)?
What would it mean or say about you if you became fat? How would the you that you are now....be different than the you + 30 pounds? What do you think yoiur best quality is? What do others see as your best quality?

[Jess!]

Are you more afraid of being fat or being permanently injured - being fat. I don't want people to point and laugh and say, "Look at that fat girl" or make disgusted faces because I'm fat.

What would it mean or say about you if you became fat That I'm lazy, and cannot take care of myself, and let myself go. I guess it'd say that I cannot control myself.

How would the you that you are now....be different than the you + 30 pounds? Well, I'd be 30 pounds heavier. I wouldn't fit into my clothes, it'd be harder to ride [I think?], and people would look at me and go, "Wow, has she gained weight or what?"

What do you think yoiur best quality is? What do others see as your best quality? My best quality? Hrm. Good question. I tend to be quite arrogant about things, especially when it comes to horses. That, however, is NOT a good quality [being arrogant]. I think my best quality is that I DO Listen to others problems, and I try my hardest to think them out and help the person. My best physical quality is that I'm tall, I think. And I have great eyes.

Other people think my best qualities are that I have "curves". And this, from one of my coworkers [just asked her]:

Your best quality, that you're always there and that you always seem to find the time to talk with me, and that even if you don't show it, you're a nice person

[3WishesDun]

Thanks Jess.

So being overweight means somehow that you have lost control over your own body. How does it feel when you OVERLY try and control your weight?
When you are very rigid about your intake/exercise and very hard on yourself when you do not adhere to your strict guidelines?
Do you notice that what you see as your good qualities (perhaps arrogance can be seen as confidence!), and what others see has nothing really to do with your physical appearance? I am not going to blow smoke up your hindquarters and tell you that we don't live in a very body conscious world...but honestly who in your life that really loves you would find glee/satistaction in you gaining weight? My point is that I understand you want to maintain a certain image....but you have to find some grey areas between being as large as a Macy's Day float and as thin as a Fettuccini noodle-- when you ease up a bit-you may find that although it takes longer...your goal is a more realistic, gentle one...not an unforgiving, set-in-stone ideal that you have to punish yourelf for not acheiving...That's pressure no one can possibly deal with for very long....

[Jess!]

Originally Posted by 3WishesDun

Thanks Jess.

So being overweight means somehow that you have lost control over your own body. How does it feel when you OVERLY try and control your weight?
When you are very rigid about your intake/exercise and very hard on yourself when you do not adhere to your strict guidelines?
Do you notice that what you see as your good qualities (perhaps arrogance can be seen as confidence!), and what others see has nothing really to do with your physical appearance? I am not going to blow smoke up your hindquarters and tell you that we don't live in a very body conscious world...but honestly who in your life that really loves you would find glee/satistaction in you gaining weight? My point is that I understand you want to maintain a certain image....but you have to find some grey areas between being as large as a Macy's Day float and as thin as a Fettuccini noodle-- when you ease up a bit-you may find that although it takes longer...your goal is a more realistic, gentle one...not an unforgiving, set-in-stone ideal that you have to punish yourelf for not acheiving...That's pressure no one can possibly deal with for very long....

Thanks, that does help.

Most of the time I'm okay with my weight, but with Mike being gone, I'm just looking for something to control. I did gain 20 pounds last year [145 to 165] and after I realized what happened I was NOT a happy camper. I tend to gain weight when Mike's around, because I am sooo comfortable around him, that I don't worry about my body. But then again, I also pig out on junk food all the time when he's around. Hopefully that'll change once we move in together and I can buy and prepare the food.

I also go in these spells where I'm crazy about my weight, then other times where I just don't give a da** and will eat everything in site. I tend to binge. I don't throw up, because I hate sticking my finger down my throat, but I do binge, and then restrict food intake to make up for it.

My metabolism is so screwed up. Bah. once i get my military ID, I am going to go to a nutritionalist and get a diet plan to follow.

[3WishesDun]

I think that's a great idea Jess- a nutritionist could be super helpful....Remember...that although Mike coming home is a happy event...all changes can be stressful/anxiety provoking....a little out of your control --- so you may compensate by over doing it with an area you feel you can manipulate(your weight). As the time draws near for his homecoming try not to get more and more rigid with yourself......You are going to have a wonderful time with your hubby....nothing bad is going to pop up and sabotage you....relax---it's going to be sweeter than either of you imagined seeing each other again.

[Jess!]

Thanks 3wishes. I really appreciate you replying to my post[s].

I see him Thursday, but I should be fine until then. As long as I keep exercising, I feel healthy so that's a start.

[ladida]

You could also think of it as a lifestyle change and not so much emphasis on weight. Do other things to get more exercise, like park farther away, walk places, take stairs instead of elevators (I don't know how safe the last one is though) and try eat healthier. More fruits and veggies. Go to Trader Joe's or whole foods and do a big shopping thing for healthy food to get excited about. Try and eat more fruits and veggies instead of less carbs. I remember reading in a magazine that people who focused on eating healthier (fruits and veggies) instead of not eating lost just as much weight and got to eat more food.

[ladida]

You could also join a softball team (or equivalent sport) to keep you active.