What do you think of this song /poem I wrote?

westerngirl14 · 07-18-2008, 09:08 AM

What do you think?

I am waiting
on a wishing star.....
wishing the distance weren't so far.
I am here, and you are there,
the waters between us fill me with despair.
What will I do; without you,
I don't know, I'm in despair.
'cause I am here and you are there.

There are facts in life that we can't change (wouldn't want to anyhow)
and these are just a few;
The sky is big, the earth is round, and I can't get along
without you around;
what will I do
without you, I don't know, I'm in despair,
'cause I am Here, and..........
You are There.

westerngirl14 · 07-18-2008, 11:50 AM

awww, is it really that bad? I mean, no comments?

Hunter-Eq Rider · 07-18-2008, 12:10 PM

I think its really good!!!

TB4life · 07-18-2008, 12:13 PM

Depresssing, but good

I like the siggy song

Goonhorse · 07-18-2008, 12:19 PM

I like it--way better than I can do. There are a couple things I'd change, though. The "Cuz's" should be changed to 'Cause, because cuz really isn't a word.

At the beginning of the second verse it should be "there are". But that was probably just a typo.

Um, is it about somebody I know???

J/K!!

westerngirl14 · 07-18-2008, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hunter-Eq Rider

I think its really good!!!

thanks! =)

Quote:

Originally Posted by TB4life

Depresssing, but good

I like the siggy song

Yeah, it's a little depressing, but that's kinda the point.=) The siggy song came from one of reliant k's songs. ( I forget the title) it's in their album "the anatomy of tongue in cheek"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goonhorse

I like it--way better than I can do. There are a couple things I'd change, though. The "Cuz's" should be changed to 'Cause, because cuz really isn't a word.

At the beginning of the second verse it should be "there are". But that was probably just a typo.

Um, is it about somebody I know???

J/K!!

I'm fixing the mistakes you pointed out!!=) Oh, and uh, it's possibly about somebody you know.

But when I wrote this, I was NOT thinking about CJM!!! LOL

Zoomarsgirl · 07-18-2008, 01:29 PM

Nope, it's a beautiful poem.. really hits home for me, a good friend of mine passed away last month. Thank you for sharing, it is lovely.

MissBlue · 07-18-2008, 04:33 PM

I thinks it pretty good!

Roxi&Bingo · 07-18-2008, 05:20 PM

I think it is great!

You have talent.

westerngirl14 · 07-19-2008, 08:23 AM

^^^ you think so? I've been writing poems for as long as I can remember. Should I post more?

07-18-2008, 09:08 AM	#1
westerngirl14 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: ...The Hawkeye State... Posts: 472 Images: 142 Blog Entries: 28	What do you think of this song /poem I wrote? What do you think? I am waiting on a wishing star..... wishing the distance weren't so far. I am here, and you are there, the waters between us fill me with despair. What will I do; without you, I don't know, I'm in despair. 'cause I am here and you are there. There are facts in life that we can't change (wouldn't want to anyhow) and these are just a few; The sky is big, the earth is round, and I can't get along without you around; what will I do without you, I don't know, I'm in despair, 'cause I am Here, and.......... You are There. __________________ *************************** [ Never under estimate my Jesus,] [ for when the world around us crumbles,] [ He will be strong, He will be strong.] Last edited by westerngirl14; 07-18-2008 at 01:28 PM.

07-18-2008, 11:50 AM	#2
westerngirl14 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: ...The Hawkeye State... Posts: 472 Images: 142 Blog Entries: 28	awww, is it really that bad? I mean, no comments? __________________ *************************** [ Never under estimate my Jesus,] [ for when the world around us crumbles,] [ He will be strong, He will be strong.]

07-18-2008, 12:10 PM	#3
Hunter-Eq Rider Senior Member+ Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Sacramento Posts: 1,652 Images: 11	I think its really good!!! __________________ "When life gives you one reason to cry, show life you have one hundred reasons to smile. Rest in peace Jessica! You may be far from this earth, But you are never far from my heart! I miss you!<3 .

07-18-2008, 12:13 PM	#4
TB4life Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: SC Posts: 2,056 Images: 8	Depresssing, but good I like the siggy song __________________ A stubborn horse walks behind you, an impatient horse walks in front of you, but a noble companion walks beside you.. I love you, Valiant Leader.

07-18-2008, 12:19 PM	#5
Goonhorse Senior Member+ Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: A Hawkeye (IA) in the land of Hoosiers (IN) Posts: 2,300 Images: 259 Blog Entries: 147	I like it--way better than I can do. There are a couple things I'd change, though. The "Cuz's" should be changed to 'Cause, because cuz really isn't a word. At the beginning of the second verse it should be "there are". But that was probably just a typo. Um, is it about somebody I know??? J/K!! __________________ In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. -Psalm 62:7-8

07-18-2008, 01:29 PM	#7
Zoomarsgirl Senior Member+ Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Hicktown, Virginia Posts: 7,338 Images: 274	Nope, it's a beautiful poem.. really hits home for me, a good friend of mine passed away last month. Thank you for sharing, it is lovely. __________________ -Jennifer Country 15 y/o chestnut thoroughbred hunter/jumper gelding RIP Zoomar.

07-18-2008, 04:33 PM	#8
MissBlue Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: U.S.A Posts: 666 Images: 2	I thinks it pretty good! __________________ *The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears.*

07-18-2008, 05:20 PM	#9
Roxi&Bingo Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 477 Images: 23	I think it is great! You have talent. __________________ Roxi and Bingo. My life/love/passion. Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.

07-19-2008, 08:23 AM	#10
westerngirl14 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: ...The Hawkeye State... Posts: 472 Images: 142 Blog Entries: 28	^^^ you think so? I've been writing poems for as long as I can remember. Should I post more? __________________ *************************** [ Never under estimate my Jesus,] [ for when the world around us crumbles,] [ He will be strong, He will be strong.]

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